Sunday, May 23, 2004

No sex in the city?

Another week, another article on the Jewish Orthodox singles “crisis.”
This time the culprit is Ha’aretz. To its credit, the paper actually vaguely points to the real reason, in my opinion, for the high number of unmarried older women: that many of our men don’t know how to relate to, or just plain don’t like the idea of, women who are more educated, more ambitious and more successful in their careers than ever before in history.
The paper gives a very comprehensive overview of every possible issue involved in the “crisis,” including several I blogged about on Protocols a couple of weeks ago, such as the difficulty of living in a family-oriented community, and the increasing number of single women considering having a child alone. The paper also addresses one important issue which singles are only just beginning to talk about publicly: the difficulty of being asked to forgo or limit physical contact with the other gender until they finally marry at 30, 35 or 40.
"In every traditional society, the myth of the preservation of virginity until marriage prevails. Among themselves, however, these women do not hide the fact that they cross the lines. [Sharon] Mayevsky does not understand the point of the prohibition at a more mature age. ‘My body, the thing with which I'm supposed to be on the friendliest terms, because it is `I,' is so much in conflict with itself because of the restrictions imposed by the rabbis.’
“At a conference held at the Laifer center a few months ago, which dealt with the subject of niddah (ritual impurity during and immediately after the menstrual period), she raised her hand and asked, in front of an audience in which there were many single women, why they weren't talking about ritual baths for unmarried women.
“The daring question is still hanging in the air. This is the next debate. ‘If someone is looking for the framework of Jewish law, she has to perform the ritual bath if she has sexual relations,’ says Mayevsky. ‘I don't understand why someone like that has to lie to the bath attendant and say that she is married.’”
It's not enough to say, 'this shouldn't happen,' because it is happening, all over Katamon and the Upper West Side. Can / will the rabbis do anything to help this community, frustrated in more ways than one, beyond turning a blind eye? It will be interesting to watch how the debate develops.

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