When I first read this I was sure it was a spoof, but here is a real summary of the plot of Eastenders next week:
Returning from the bathroom, Jodie's horrified as Darren's stood there in his boxer shorts. Jodie screams 'Oh My God!' before rushing out. Darren stares down at his nether regions, bemused by her reaction…
Rushing to the front door, Darren's delighted to see Jodie. The pair awkwardly attempt to talk about what happened but she soon reveals the reason behind her reaction - he's not Jewish enough.
Fighting back the tears, Jodie admits that even though she's not truly religious, she can't be with him.
Meanwhile, Max is curious to know why Darren's been using his computer and when he delves into the browsing history, he finds websites about circumcision. When confronted, Darren protests that he's considering the procedure for Jodie. Max, however, explains how it's a step too far for anyone and suggests that he end their relationship.
Well, I'm going to reveal something fairly embarrasing here. Eastenders and I go back a long way. And I have to say, the prospect of spending August watching Darren agonising over whether he should go through with a brit milah makes me think one thing: Thank G-d I'm away for the summer.
I suppose that after doing a sensitive Muslim plotline (Syed) and a rather less sensitive Christian plotline (Lucas), the Eastenders producers had to round off their summer of Abrahamic faiths with a ludicrous Jewish plotline. Now, I don't want to lose my sense of humour here, but to be honest, I'm cringing. The Square's first Jewish family in years (if ever? Did Dr Legge and Felix have families?) are textbook stereotypical Jews: flush with money and completely vacuous. Their last name is Gold, for G-d's sake. They film this stuff in Borehamwood, couldn't they have come up with a more realistic family?
Daughter Jodie is so dumb it took seeing Darren with his trousers down for her to realise he wasn't Jewish. (Sorry, not Jewish "enough". I'd love to know what part of Darren she thinks is Jew-ish.)
And in all seriousness, the subject of intermarriage is very sensitive and this takes a stab at it with a butcher's knife. Essentially - and I hope I'm proven wrong here - Jodie is going to come across as a complete racist for wanting to date only other Jews "even though she's not truly religious". I hope the producers allow her to make a more substantial argument but somehow, seeing as there's nothing "Jewish" about her family other than the crudest stereotypes and seeing as she has the brain the size of a pea, it's unlikely.
All that said, I can't wait for the episode where Jodie takes Darren to meet the London Beth Din. Just kidding. I wish!